Morning walk destination – the water feature covered in green foliage.
The last few months I’ve been on an inward journey – my life had been turned upside down in February with the diagnosis of a second separate cancer, multiple myeloma. The oncologist phoned this diagnosis in to me about ten days after she’d given me the all clear on breast cancer.
Walking with friend Cathryn – Steveston, BC.
Within a week, I was on chemotherapy for the multiple myeloma and my whole health adventure with cancer took on a new and frightening turn. Multiple myeloma is not curable but it is treatable. How do you face an obstacle like that? Ed and I were shattered. Early stage breast cancer seemed a breeze in comparison to late stage bone marrow cancer, a cancer that goes to the very core of your being.
Ed’s birthday in April
One thing I came to realize early on – multiple myeloma answered all the questions I had about my health: the low B12 and low hemoglobin prior to the anemia diagnosis, my bone-deep tiredness, the recurring infections, why I had shortness of breath and difficulty on the Tour de Mont Blanc. It also gave me motivation to stop, access, rest and go within.
These past months have not been filled with high adventure. Instead, time has taken on a new meaning – I have slowed down and responded to that inner calling.
My days have been full of savoured moments: starting off the day with chi gong exercises, sharing a latte with Ed followed by breakfast, strapping the leash on Yukon for a walk with my neighbour and friend Roz, and then either taking a rest or going into to town for blood tests, chemo, massage or healing touch. The afternoons and evening were for rest, reading and another walk with Yukon.
My routine included a bi-weekly writing practice session with a group of Penticton writers, maintaining my secretarial duties for the national-based creative nonfiction collective and transitioning from being chair of the Yukon-based Yukon Heritage Resources Board to a director.
Our ‘group of seven’ writing practice group: Louise, Aggie, Roz, Norma, Sonni and Claire (Michelle missing)
There were life choices and ego decisions to be faced. Being uncertain of whether I would lose my hair from the chemo – I went from a long to a short hair style and decided it was time to minimize exposure to unnecessary chemicals. No more hair colouring; I’m now an attractive two-tone colour: brown on the ends and white at the roots; soon to be fully a silver fox, as Ed calls me.
Ed and I planned a few activities during these months. We went to Silver Star with Yukon friends Christoph, Anina and Katya at Easter. I even decided to downhill ski for an afternoon. That was the subject of my last blog post.
We attended the Vancouver Yukoners’ banquet in Richmond. I sold copies of Remarkable Yukon Women and we had dinner and breakfast with our great friends and neighbours Doug and Dale from the Marsh Lake, Yukon.
Vancouver Yukoners’ banquet
Another event I really wanted to attend was the Creative Nonfiction Collective conference at UBC in Vancouver. So we booked it and made the 4.5 hour drive a day before the conference. I’m volunteer secretary for the collection – this group is ‘my tribe’ so it meant a lot to me to participate in a few sessions, to hear John Valiant’s keynote presentation and to mingle with fellow nonfiction writers from across Canada. It was tiring but so worth the effort.
John Valliant keynote address, Creative Nonfiction Collective conference
After the conference, we flew to Whitehorse for two nights – we could not stay longer because of my weekly chemo treatment. The goal of our trip to the Yukon was to move out of the apartment we’ve been keeping there. It was a big decision and an emotional one. Since arriving in the Yukon in 1977, this was my last ‘home base’ in the territory. I needed to be there in person to get closure and to say a very deeply felt goodbye to the Yukon as my home. When we go back to the Yukon we will now be visitors.
Friends Markus and Elfie came to visit
The month of May was probably my darkest. It was the in-between time of not having set dates for the stem cell treatment and feeling like the chemo would never end. I experienced a tough period for about two to three weeks. Physically I had trouble with the chemo side effects and emotionally I was struggling. It was a time that I knew I had to endure, to stay with, and to allow myself to experience and express those feelings on every level. It was a learning and healing time, a fallow time.
Finally, waiting for the waiting stage to be over happened – Ed and I met with the specialist from the BC Leukemia and Bone Marrow Clinic and communicated with the Coordinator for my case. When that specialist said, “OK, here’s what we’re proposing to do in your case,” and proceeded to give details of the treatment process, his words registered like a blow to my solar plexus. All my research was suddenly very real and in technicolour – gulp!
We hosted the 2012 ‘up the mountain’ neighbour hood potluck at our place
A few days later the bone marrow clinic coordinator phoned to provide dates for the stem cell treatment for my multiple myeloma. I have responded very well to the chemo. The goal of reducing the myeloma in my blood to the point where I am ready for the bone marrow transplant has been achieved.
Our view over Okanagan valley
Fortunately, I still had a month to adjust to the reality of the treatment and I realized I needed that extra time to be prepared on an emotional level. During that period, Ed flew off on an aviation adventure to the Yukon and Alaska. My brother Paul and sister Irene came out west from Quebec to be with me for a week each during his absence. It was a very precious time, but that’s another story I’ll share in the coming days.
Daily morning walks with friend Roz and Yukon
The real news is that today, June 19, 2012, is a day to celebrate. It is the day of my very last chemo treatment day and Ed was beside me. It is a day to be thankful for my fallow time, my home health retreat, the support of family and friends, and to acknowledge that the next phase begins tomorrow.
Ed and I go to Vancouver from July 2-12 for the first step in the stem cell transplant. You’ll be hearing more from me in the next few weeks – the fallow time of the inward journey is complete and in between the active medical treatments – I’ll share more of my thoughts and experiences by blogging. I am ready to get back ‘out there.’
15 Comments
Rejoicing with you on completion of your chemo treatments! Sending healing thoughts and prayers as you begin the next phase.
So nice to see these pictures — thanks for sharing them. And hugs to you…must’ve been so hard to let the apartment go.
What can I say, my dear friend? As always you’ve captured so much with your words. It has been a privilege to accompany you on segments of your journey. You’ve taught me so much and inspired me to the core. You and Ed have been such great friends to Mark and me. Yukon, well, as you know, she’s a golden treasure.
It was such a great morning walk today, so fitting for such an occasion. From behind the clouds, the sun emerged, the wildflowers were vibrant paint strokes on a verdant canvas, even the wild strawberries showed up to mark the day. The sounds of wildlife and the babbling brook — upper source of our precious water feature — were a symphony. The only failing of the fragrance the forest and wilderness mixed for us was that it can only be recorded in our memories. Oh, the sweetness of friendship and joy in sharing. Here’s to the celebration. Bravo, dear Claire!
Greetings from Keno City!
My thoughts are with you Claire! I wish you all the best !
Take care,
Mike Mancini
Your smile rarely falters and your laughter cheers everyone in ‘the group of seven’. Thinking of your challenges puts everything else in life in perspective, diminishing concerns to trivialities and enhancing the joys of simple pleasures. I’ll keep sending you healing energy and holding you dear in my heart. See you at writing practice soon – no excuses!
My thoughts are with you, Claire.
Claire, you are remarkably brave and an inspiration to us all. You have been – and will continue to be – in my prayers. I look forward to visiting you in Vancouver. Strength, courage, persistence: I wish you all these things and more.
Hi, Claire; I can totally understand what you are going through and the many months that it can involved, I had 2 grandparents, and our parents go through this and our family was there for them and we took on home care for them. i understand what is happening and I pray for you and think of you as you were a very, execellent chair at the YHRB and I truely am glad that I hav had the chance to met you and work with you, I will always keep in touch and read your articles thank you
Claire,
My deepest respect and prayers to you for what you have been through and what your journey now moves to.
Much Love and Hugs,
Yasmin
Liebs Klärly
Dä Wäg, wo du muesch gah, so steinig u hert, isch für ne gsunge Mönsch wi mi, fasch unfassbar. Gäng hoffe u bange, uf dWunder vor Medizin, äbe sich nid ufgäh u kämpfe, das brucht soviu Chraft. I finge chum Wort, für das Schicksau, drum nimme ig öich, Klärly u Edy, ganz fescht i miner Arme u gibe öich so Chraft u Liebi. I hoffe mit öich, das aus ä guete Verlouf wird ha u bi i Gedanke sehr viu bi öich in Kanada. Ganz liebi Grüess u ä härzleche Muntsch Mägi l
What a beautiful post! It has been such a privilege to know you – especially your amazing reaching out to encourage me even while you yourself have been in the midst of this journey. Thank you for your care and encouragement, for your amazing heart.
Hi Claire,
Randy and I truly enjoyed your book on Remarkable Yukon Women. We have both reread it and it will always be a book we can pick up and reread again. I was amazed at how I read each story and referred to the picture many times as I read the story and how the two became one. Love to check out your blog and enjoy reminicing along with you when you write about your family and your years in the Gaspe. We will be spending some time in that area in August.
You are going through a difficult time now and you are still able to be upbeat and find happiness in your every day. Thank you for sharing that. Randy and I keep you in our thoughts and prayers as you continue on the next part of the journey.
Ann xxoo
Congrats on the last Chemo! That is a big milestone. Hopefully, you will have time to prepare for the next stage. Good to hear you are keeping up the writing and interests, albeit at a slower pace. Let us know if we can visit when you are here. Best of luck with the next phase. Remember, it is all about you and keeping your strength to get better.
Best, Cathryn
Hello, Claire. It’s so good to get your update, and to know that you have had time in between all of these steps to regroup and rest, and heal. I can only imagine that the beauty of the world around you must be a welcome respite from all of this… and your Yukon, and your beloved. I met them only briefly, but adored them both immediately. Hugs from the Dentonites! – Gayle
As you continue on your Journey Claire, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please know I am sending positive thoughts your way every day.
Love, Gail
Hey Gayle – It’s always so good to hear from you! Ed and I have made it through the next big challenge – see my latest blog. We came to Vancouver for the procedure and I was ready. Are you writing lots? I completely filled up the writing practice book you sent to me and started another new one yesterday. Keep practicing….love,Claire